6 Traits of a Covert Narcissist, What is a Covert Narcissist?

Understanding a Covert Narcissist

This person hides their grandiose sense of self-importance and manipulative tendencies. They have specific traits that set them apart, such as craving admiration while feeling insecure. They say and do strange things that often confuse those around them. Understanding them involves unraveling their complex behaviors and dynamics.

Covert Narcissist Statistics

By examining these statistics, we can better understand the scope and implications of this intriguing and often misunderstood phenomenon.

Covert narcissists often fly under the radar due to their more subtle behaviors and the ability to blend in with society. However, here are a few general insights and statistics related to narcissism that may also apply to covert narcissism:

1. Prevalence: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) affects approximately 1% of the general population, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). It is unclear what percentage of individuals with NPD exhibit covert narcissistic traits specifically.
2. Gender Distribution: Research suggests that narcissism, including covert narcissism, is slightly more prevalent among men than women. However, it is essential to note that narcissism can be found in individuals of any gender.
3. Comorbidity: Covert narcissism may often coexist with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or borderline personality disorder.
4. Relationship Patterns: Covert narcissists may frequently engage in toxic relationship dynamics, including emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. Victims of covert narcissistic abuse may struggle with their mental health and well-being.

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Things Covert Narcissists Say

They are skilled at using words to manipulate and control others while maintaining a facade of humility or innocence. Here are some examples of things they may say:

1. Backhanded compliments: They may give compliments that seem positive on the surface but contain subtle criticism or undermine the other person’s self-esteem. For example, saying, “You’re pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college.”
2. Playing the victim: They often portray themselves as the ones who have been wronged or misunderstood. They may say things like, “Nobody appreciates me,” or “I always end up being taken advantage of.”
3. Gaslighting: They manipulate reality and make others question their sanity or perceptions. They may say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
4. Passive-aggressive remarks: They may use sarcasm, veiled insults, or disguised hostility to express dissatisfaction or indirectly criticize others. For instance, saying, “Oh, it must be nice to have all the free time in the world,” when someone is taking a break.
5. False modesty: They may downplay their accomplishments or talents to elicit praise and validation. For example, saying, “I’m not that great at it, but I guess I managed to pull it off,” expecting others to reassure them of their exceptional abilities.
6. Manipulative flattery: They may use excessive flattery to gain favor or control over others. They might shower someone with compliments, constantly praising their appearance, skills, or achievements to gain their trust and admiration.

Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

They engage in various behaviors that seem strange or unusual to others. Here are some examples of weird things that covert narcissists may do:

1. Silent Treatment: Covert narcissists may employ silent treatment as a manipulative tactic, refusing to communicate or engage with others as a control or punishment.
2. Pity Parties: They may frequently play the victim and indulge in self-pity, seeking attention and sympathy from others by exaggerating their struggles or portraying themselves as perpetually downtrodden.
3. Smear Campaigns: Covert narcissists may engage in covert efforts to tarnish the reputation of others, spreading false rumors or engaging in character assassination behind the scenes to bolster their image and diminish others.
4. Subtle Sabotage: They may engage in covert sabotage or manipulation to undermine the success or happiness of those around them while maintaining plausible deniability or innocence.
5. Hoarding Attention: Covert narcissists may become jealous or resentful when others receive attention or praise and may go to great lengths to divert the focus back onto themselves, even if it means exaggerating their achievements or experiences.
6. Emotional Vampirism: They may drain the emotional energy of those around them by constantly seeking support and validation, requiring excessive reassurance, and taking advantage of others’ empathy and compassion.
7. Image Crafting: Covert narcissists may meticulously curate their online presence or social image, presenting an idealized version of themselves that differs significantly from their true personality or behavior.
8. Self-Deprecation: Covert narcissists may engage in excessive self-deprecation to fish for compliments or reassurance from others, disguising their underlying need for validation.
9. False Humility: They may feign modesty and downplay their achievements or talents, seeking praise and admiration from others while maintaining an air of false humility.
10. Triangulation: Covert narcissists may intentionally create conflicts or foster rivalries between people in their social circles, using manipulation and secrecy to control and manipulate the dynamics of relationships.

Covert Narcissist Signs

Recognizing the signs can be challenging due to the subtle and hidden nature of their behaviors. However, here are some common signs that may indicate someone is a covert narcissist:

1. Excessive Sensitivity: Susceptible to criticism or perceived slights, reacting defensively or with passive-aggressive behaviors.
2. Lack of Empathy: They may struggle to genuinely empathize with others, often prioritizing their needs and desires over those of others.
3. Grandiose Fantasies: They may harbor grandiose fantasies or a sense of entitlement, believing they are unique or deserve special treatment.
4. Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite their outward modesty, they often have fragile self-esteem and require constant validation and admiration from others.
5. Victimization: They frequently portray themselves as victims, deflecting responsibility for their actions and using guilt or pity to manipulate others.
6. Subtle Manipulation: They employ subtle manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping, passive-aggressive behavior, or using silence to control and influence others.
7. Lack of Boundaries: They may disregard personal boundaries, invading others’ personal space or emotional boundaries to fulfill their needs.
8. Envy and Jealousy: They may harbor intense envy or jealousy towards others, particularly when they perceive others as more successful or admired.
9. Attention-Seeking Behaviors: While appearing introverted, they actively seek attention and validation, often through subtle means such as fishing for compliments or playing the victim.
10. Shifting Self-Image: They may have a fluctuating sense of self, adapting their behavior and personality to suit different situations or individuals, making it difficult to pinpoint their true identity.

Covert vs Overt Narcissist

Covert and overt narcissism are two different presentations of narcissistic personality traits. Here’s a comparison between covert and overt narcissists:

We Level Up Washington Covert Narcissist Treatment Center

Do the research and contact mental health specialists or directories and websites that provide local treatment clinics for narcissistic personality disorder or comparable disorders. They may recommend therapy depending on your requirements and location.

Treating covert narcissism typically involves a comprehensive approach focusing on individual therapy, self-reflection, and developing healthier thinking and behavior patterns. Here are some common treatment approaches that may be utilized:

1. Psychotherapy: Individual therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can be beneficial in helping covert narcissists gain insight into their behaviors, address underlying insecurities, and develop healthier coping strategies. Therapy may also focus on enhancing empathy, building self-esteem, and fostering healthier relationships.
2. Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Practices like mindfulness meditation can help covert narcissists develop greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, and empathy toward others. By cultivating present-moment awareness, individuals can recognize their narcissistic tendencies and work towards modifying their behavior.
3. Boundary Setting: Learning healthy boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others is crucial for covert narcissists. Therapy can help individuals understand appropriate boundaries and practice effective communication skills to enhance relationships and reduce manipulative behaviors.
4. Addressing Core Wounds: Covert narcissism often stems from underlying emotional wounds or childhood experiences. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and process these core wounds, helping individuals heal and develop healthier perspectives about themselves and others.
5. Group Therapy or Support Groups: Participating in group therapy or support groups specifically focused on narcissism can provide a sense of validation, support, and accountability. It allows individuals to connect with others who have similar experiences and work together toward personal growth and change.
6. Medication (if necessary): In some cases, individuals with covert narcissism may also have co-occurring mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety. Medication may be prescribed to address these conditions and support overall well-being if appropriate.

Seeking guidance from a qualified mental health professional specializing in personality disorders is essential for developing an effective treatment plan.

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