4 Tips on How to Get Over Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment is an intense and irrational fear of being rejected, abandoned, or left alone by loved ones. It’s common to develop this after suffering rejection, loss, or trauma; it can devastate relationships and mental health

fear of abandonment in relationships


Fear of abandonment is a serious issue that Negatively affects one’s relationships and mental health. However, this fear can be overcome, and better attachment habits can be learned. This article offers four concrete suggestions to help people overcome their fear of abandonment and move on to better relationships and personal development.

What is Fear of Abandonment?

Fear of abandonment is an intense and irrational fear of being rejected, abandoned, or left alone by loved ones. It’s common to develop this after suffering rejection, loss, or trauma; it can devastate relationships and mental health. A person whose fear of being abandoned may be overly possessive, clingy, or needy because of their persistent concerns that they will be abandoned. Anxiety, worry, and destructive behavior in interpersonal relationships can result from constant abandonment anxiety in relationships. Individuals can learn to overcome this fear of abandonment phobia and develop more satisfying relationships with others by exploring its causes and then receiving the appropriate support.

Fear of Abandonment Signs

There are many different ways to show your fear of abandonment and rejection. Some common signs of abandonment anxiety are:

  • Extreme neediness or clinginess: People may feel they always need reassurance, attention, or physical closeness from their loved ones. They might be afraid of being left behind or alone.
  • An overwhelming fear of rejection: Even small signs that someone might reject or disapprove of you can cause stress and anxiety. People may always want to get approval and validation from others.
  • Emotional instability: Panic attacks and mood swings can result from fear of abandonment. People may be more sensitive to what they think are signs of rejection or abandonment, which can make them feel angry, sad, or anxious.
  • Excessive efforts to please others: To avoid rejection or abandonment, people may go to great lengths to please others, even if it hurts their needs and well-being. They might give in or give up too much, fearing abandonment in relationships.
  • Jealousy and possessiveness: In relationships, intense jealousy and possessiveness can result from abandonment anxiety. People may fear losing their loved ones to others, making them act controlling.

4 Tips on How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment

Different methods of dealing with abandonment fear can be tried depending on the root causes of the problem.

To help you get over your fear of being alone, here are four suggestions:


Seek professional help from a therapist who can assist you in overcoming your anxiety and overcoming the underlying causes of your abandonment anxiety through developing healthy attachments, managing difficult emotions, and resolving traumatic experiences.


Discover yourself by thinking about and learning more about how your fear of abandonment influences your decisions, behaviors, and relationships. Use resources like workbooks and journals to record your thoughts and feelings, learn about attachment theory, and zero in on what sets off your anxiety.

Support Groups

Participating in a support group can help individuals feel less alone and more understood. Join a community of people who understand your struggle with the fear of abandonment and benefit from their shared experiences and insights. A community can provide invaluable support and a secure environment for open dialogue, whether in person or online.


Practice self-compassion by being compassionate and accepting toward yourself. Interrupt your negative inner monologue and start saying positive things to yourself. You can remind yourself that you deserve love and care by cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts and feelings through mindfulness meditation.

Fear of Abandonment Facts


Fear of abandonment is a psychological condition characterized by an intense fear of being rejected, abandoned, or left alone. It often stems from past traumas, attachment difficulties, or negative relationship experiences. Overcoming this fear requires a combination of therapeutic interventions, self-reflection, and support.

Fear of Abandonment Symptoms

  • Constant worry or preoccupation with the possibility of abandonment.
  • Fear of rejection or being alone.
  • Difficulty trusting others.
  • Avoidance of close relationships or excessive clinginess.
  • Low self-esteem and self-worth.
  • Intense anxiety or panic when faced with potential abandonment triggers.


The fear of abandonment is not a standalone diagnosis but is often associated with other mental health conditions such as borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorders, or attachment disorders. A comprehensive assessment by a mental health professional is necessary to evaluate the underlying causes and provide an accurate diagnosis.


  • Therapy: Psychotherapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or psychodynamic therapy, can help individuals explore the root causes of their fear of abandonment, develop coping strategies, improve self-esteem, and build healthier relationship patterns.
  • Self-help strategies: Self-reflection, journaling, and self-compassion can promote self-awareness and emotional healing. Educating oneself on attachment theory and participating in self-help workbooks can also be beneficial.
  • Support groups: Joining support groups specific to abandonment fear can provide a supportive environment for sharing experiences, gaining insights, and learning from others with similar challenges.
  • Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to alleviate associated symptoms of anxiety or depression. This should be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional.


While it may not be possible to prevent the development of abandonment fears entirely, early intervention and support for individuals who have experienced trauma or adverse relationship experiences can help minimize the impact and promote healthier attachment patterns.

Seeking Help

If you or someone you know struggles with the fear of abandonment, it is important to seek professional help. Consult a mental health provider who can provide an accurate diagnosis and develop a personalized treatment plan to address the specific needs and challenges associated with abandonment fears. Remember, you are not alone; support is available to help you heal and build healthier relationships.

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Fear of Abandonment Statistics

Many people suffer from an extreme aversion to being alone, known as abandonment anxiety. One-third of the population struggles with serious abandonment fears or other related problems. These fears significantly impact relationships, making starting and keeping secure bonds hard. Conditions such as borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorders, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) frequently occur with abandonment anxiety.

Traumatic experiences greatly influence abandonment anxiety in childhood. A fear of abandonment is more likely to develop in adulthood for people who experienced neglect, rejection, or inconsistent caregiving as children. Fear of abandonment is a common emotion affecting both men and women, though how it manifests itself can vary.

Anxiety, depression, emotional instability, and low self-esteem are negative mental health effects from a fear of abandonment. It’s also linked to strained relationships and being shut out of society. Treatment, especially cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, or psychodynamic therapy, is effective in helping people manage and overcome their abandonment fears.


individuals experience significant abandonment fears or abandonment-related issues.

Source: NIMH

30% to 50%

can be present in various co-occurring anxiety disorders.

Source: NIMH

20% to 30%

Individuals with depression may also experience abandonment-related fears.

Source: NIMH

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What Causes Fear of Abandonment?

Personal experiences, attachment preferences, and deeper psychological and emotional issues can all contribute to a person’s abandonment anxiety. Here are some common causes:

Childhood experiences: A deep-seated fear of abandonment can be brought on by early experiences like neglect, abandonment, or inconsistent caregiving during childhood. This fear can also be caused by traumatic events or the loss of a main caretaker.

Attachment theory says that people with insecure attachment styles, like anxious-preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment, are more likely to fear abandonment. These attachment styles are often shaped by how early relationships with caregivers go, and they can affect how people act and what they expect from relationships.

Trauma and loss: Upsetting events, like the death of a loved one, divorce, or feeling betrayed, can cause a fear of abandonment. These things can leave deep emotional wounds and make people fear losing others even more.

Relationships: A person’s fear of being abandoned in future relationships can be influenced by past experiences of rejection, abandonment, or unhealthy relationships. If someone has felt abandoned or rejected more than once, their fear can worsen.

Family dynamics: A fear of abandonment can come from growing up in a family without enough emotional support, caregiving wasn’t consistent, or relationships were often broken. Unresolved family problems or patterns passed down from generation to generation may also play a role.

Mental health problems: Some mental health problems, like borderline personality disorder (BPD), are linked to strong fears of abandonment. Most of the time, these fears come from being unable to control their feelings or keep stable relationships.

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How to Get Over Fear of Abandonment?

It can be a journey of healing and self-discovery to overcome the fear of abandonment. Even though the process is different for each person, here are some ways and therapies that can help:

  • Psychotherapy, also called “talk therapy,” is a common and effective way to treat the fear of abandonment. Depending on the cause and the person’s needs, different types of therapy can be helpful:
    • Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps find and question negative thought patterns and beliefs about abandonment. It helps people learn healthier ways to deal with problems and boosts their self-esteem.
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): DBT is especially helpful for people who have strong emotions and act in ways that hurt themselves. It teaches people how to control their emotions, deal with stress, and get along with others.
    • Attachment-based therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Attachment-Based Family Therapy (ABFT) try to understand and improve attachment patterns. They help people build safe and healthy relationships by helping them deal with fears about attachment and work toward more secure connections.
    • Group therapy: Those who fear abandonment can find a sense of community, validation, and shared experiences by participating in a support group or group therapy. It gives people a chance to learn from each other, get support, and practice better ways to get along with others.
    • Gradual Exposure: With the help of a therapist, gradually putting yourself in situations that trigger your fear of abandonment can help you build resilience and lessen your anxiety over time.

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Abandonment Issues Quiz

Welcome to the “Fear of Abandonment Quiz” or the “Do I Have Abandonment Issues Quiz”! This brief assessment is a tool to help you explore your feelings and experiences related to abandonment. It is important to note that this quiz is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for a medical diagnosis. Please remember that the results of this quiz are not a formal diagnosis. If you suspect that you have abandonment issues or any mental health concerns, we highly recommend consulting a qualified mental health professional.

Take a few moments to answer the following questions honestly, based on your own experiences and feelings. Let’s begin exploring the topic of abandonment issues and gain valuable insights about yourself!

*By taking this free quiz, you may obtain your results online and in your email box. You’ll have the opportunity to opt-in to learn more about your symptoms, talk to a mental health consultant and join our newsletter. Rest assured your information is private and confidential. Results, consultations and assessment are provided without any cost to you and without any obligation. If you do not wish to provide your contact information, you may omit it during your quiz. Thank you for opting in and participating. To you best of health.

Please enter your email:

1. Name:

2. Phone:

3. I’m afraid that I will lose my partner’s love.


4. I often worry that my partner will not want to stay with me.


5. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me.


6. I worry that romantic partners won’t care about me as much as I care about them.


7. I often wish that my partner’s feelings for me were as strong as my feelings for him or her.


8. I worry a lot about my relationships.


9. When my partner is out of sight, I worry that he or she might become interested in someone else.


10. When I show my feelings for romantic partners, I’m afraid they will not feel the same about me.


11. I often worry about my partner leaving me.


12. I worry that I won’t measure up to other people.


Abandonment Issues Quiz
Abandonment Issues
  1. Where does fear of abandonment come from?

    Factors such as childhood experiences of neglect, rejection, or erratic caregiving can contribute to the development of a fear of abandonment. Past traumatic experiences, the loss of significant relationships, or insecure attachment patterns can also play a role.

  2. How to heal the fear of abandonment?

    Therapy can help those who suffer from an intense fear of abandonment. Therapeutic approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical-behavioral therapy (DBT), and psychodynamic therapy can help people overcome their problems and live happier lives.

  3. Why do I have a fear of abandonment?

    Many things can contribute to an individual developing a fear of abandonment, including actual or perceived instances of abandonment in the past, the loss of a loved one, or a pattern of emotionally unstable relationships. Attachment styles, trauma, and preexisting mental illness may also play a role.

  4. What is the fear of abandonment called?

    Abandonment anxiety and abandonment problems are other names for the fear of abandonment. It is characterized by a strong fear or distress over the prospect of being abandoned, rejected, or left alone by important people.

4 Mental Health Tips & Advice From A Therapist To Remove Your Everyday Anxiety

“Anxiety, when gone untreated, can increase over time. So here are four tips to calm your everyday anxiety. Take a breath. Do something that you enjoy. Remove yourself from the situation and go for a walk. Doing these four things gives you a better chance of calming your anxiety.”

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Search We Level Up WA Mental Health 4 Tips on How to Get Over Fear of Abandonment Topics & Resources
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  4. Conradi HJ, et al. (2015). Examining psychopathy from an attachment perspective: The role of fear of rejection and abandonment.
  5. Eikenæs I, et al. (2015). Attachment styles in patients with avoidant personality disorder compared with social phobia.
  6. Gao S, et al. (2017). Associations between rejection sensitivity and mental health outcomes: A meta-analytic review.
  7. Keefe JR, et al. (2020). A meta-analysis of psychodynamic treatments for borderline and cluster C personality disorders.
  8. Machtinger EL, et al. (2018). From treatment to healing: Inquiry and response to recent and past trauma in adult health care.
  9. Palihawadana V, et al. (2018). Reviewing the clinical significance of ‘fear of abandonment’ in borderline personality disorder.
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  11. Redlich R, et al. (2014). Are you gonna leave me? Separation anxiety is associated with increased amygdala responsiveness and volume.